Live workshop and Q&A with Jillian Turecki
THEMES
Attachment Patterns, Grief, Protest Behavior, Accountability, Nervous System, Closure, Self-Compassion, Individuation, Relational Cycles, Co-Parenting Dynamics
NOTES
Summary & Takeaways:
Understanding relational cycles
Many relationship struggles are not about one “bad” person, but about two people stuck in a dynamic. Repeated cycles of pursuit and withdrawal often come from fear, unmet needs, and a lack of tools rather than malicious intent. Recognizing your role in a pattern is not about self-blame, but about reclaiming agency.
Boundaries as an act of self-care
Healthy boundaries are not punishments and they are not rigid rules. They are flexible, compassionate choices made to support healing. Boundaries can evolve over time as clarity increases, but in the present moment they should prioritize emotional well-being and nervous system regulation.
Grieving without rushing closure
You do not “detox” someone from your system quickly, especially when the relationship spanned formative years. Wanting someone after a breakup does not mean you are doing healing wrong. Grief is nonlinear, and the only real way out is through.
Accountability without shame
Taking responsibility for your part in a dynamic does not negate the other person’s harmful behavior. Both can be true at once. Growth comes from humility, curiosity, and compassion for the younger, less resourced versions of ourselves who did the best they could.
Children learn from relational models
In family systems, children absorb what relationships look like through observation. Living arrangements, honesty, and emotional transparency all communicate powerful messages about intimacy, partnership, and self-respect. Avoiding disruption is understandable, but prolonged ambiguity can also be confusing.
Quotes
“We don’t want to make the story that someone is the villain and we’re the victim, unless there has truly been abuse.”
“More often than not, we are part of a dynamic that’s not working.”
“You don’t detox a person out of your system in six months when they’ve been part of your life since you were a teenager.”
“You are allowed to feel relief while still missing someone.”
“The only way out is through.”
“Boundaries are about what you need right now, and they’re allowed to change as you heal.”
“We did the best we could with the limited tools we had.”
Reflective Prompts
What behaviors do I use when I feel unsafe or afraid of losing connection?
What does emotional safety actually mean to me in a relationship?
Where am I asking for closure before I’ve fully allowed myself to grieve?
What parts of a past relationship do I tend to romanticize, and what parts brought relief when they ended?
What did I learn about myself from this relationship that I don’t want to repeat?
If I’m staying in a situation for comfort or stability, am I owning that as a choice?
What model of love and partnership do I want to embody moving forward, for myself and for others watching me?