Live Group Coaching Session with Jillian Turecki - April 25, 2025

NOTES

1. Healing from Betrayal and Reactivity in a Relationship

• Betrayals around dishonesty with past partners.

• Difficulty trusting, feeling reactive, controlling, and highly critical.

• Wants loyalty but struggles with hypervigilance and anxiety.

• Currently in couples therapy.
  
  
  Key Takeaways from Jillian

• Stop using the word "betrayal": It's creating a narrative that prevents healing.

• You contribute to toxicity too: Reactivity, yelling, and controlling behaviors train your partner to hide things.

• Responsibility over Reaction: Either fully forgive and rebuild trust or leave. Staying while punishing your partner is unfair.

• Narrative Reframe: Partner lied out of fear, not maliciousness. She’s young; you both have maturity gaps.

• Create emotional safety: Change communication to allow honest dialogue without intimidation.

• Powerful Insight: "When we punish our partner, we are only punishing ourselves by killing the relationship ecosystem."
  
  
  Quotes from Jillian

  "You have to be able to take full responsibility for your part."
  
  "The solution is not to become controlling and aggressive — it's either rebuild or leave."
  
  "Punishing your partner is punishing yourself."
  
  

2. Scarcity Mindset Around Aging and Love

Participant's Situation

• Fear of aging without finding love (turning 43).

• Burnout from healthcare work; loss of passion.

• Missing meaning and purpose outside of relationships.
  
  
  Key Takeaways from Jillian

• Focus on Meaning and Contribution: Reconnect with meaningful work to fill the void.

• Not just relationship scarcity: Lack of fulfillment stems from loss of contribution and identity.

• Shift Focus: Where attention goes, energy flows. Shift attention from lack to purpose.

• Blend Passions: Part-time hospital work + side project coaching women through heartbreak.
  
  
  Quotes from Jillian

  "Shift your focus, shift your life."
  
  "The fulfilled person is not the person who’s necessarily happy. It’s the one who feels they are serving meaningfully."
  
  "Never underestimate the power of starting something from passion, not pressure."
  
  

3. Dating While Planning a Future Move

Participant's Situation

• Fear of choosing wrongly again after abusive marriage.

• Wants to move back to Mexico in a few years.

• Struggled with boundaries while dating.
  
  
  Key Takeaways from Jillian

• You are not the same person: You’ve learned from red flags, trust your instincts now.

• Don’t block love out of fear: Being too rigid in future plans prevents organic growth.

• Be honest but open: Share your future plans as you date, without needing to control outcomes.

• Avoid casual dating if it’s not aligned: Saying “not looking for long-term” attracts the wrong people.
  
  
  Quotes from Jillian

  "You are not who you were. You are not going to choose wrong again."
  
  "Life is fluid — don't lock yourself out of opportunities with rigid timelines."
  
  "Protecting yourself too much is also hurting yourself."
  
  

4.Difficulty Letting Go of an "Almost" Relationship

Participant's Situation

• Breakup from intentional dating effort.

• Feels like growth didn't result in success.

• Struggles with self-worth and finding new purpose post-grad.
  
  
  Key Takeaways from Jillian

• It’s not about the guy: It’s about your self-concept and meaning in life.

• Your Superpower: Sensitivity, strategy, leadership, nurturing others' visions.

• Need for Purpose: Lack of structure, goals, and daily meaning fuels rumination.

• Core wound: "Am I enough?" — Need to rebuild self-trust post-betrayal.

• Follow Excitement: Identify what excites you and start building toward that.
  
  
  Quotes from Jillian

  "You’re impressive — the question is, do you see yourself as impressive?"
  
  "Helping others gives your life meaning — but you must balance it with taking care of you."
  
  "The solution is not more rumination. It’s more creation."
  
  

5. Testimonial of Healing

Key Points

• Formerly in an abusive relationship.

• Fully committed to self-work through Jillian’s advice.

• Met and is now engaged to a healthy, communicative partner.

• Emphasized boundaries, self-accountability, and radical self-trust.

• "The day after I fully let go of my ex, I met my fiancé."

• "Radical accountability changed everything for me."

• "It's not about being perfect. It's about being able to talk about it after."