The 7 Steps
Lesson Summary:
This is about coming home to yourself.
After the stress and chaos of a relationship and a breakup, one of the most important parts of healing is rediscovering who you are: regaining a sense of self. Understanding your values is a core part of that process.
Your value system may have been one thing when this relationship started. It is different now. You have changed, even just by doing this work. Part of strengthening your relationship with yourself is getting clear on what actually moves, motivates, and inspires you today.
We often violate our own values without realizing it.
When we make decisions—especially in relationships—that are not in alignment with our values, we feel like we've betrayed ourselves. Most of us have a habit of violating our own values: either because we're afraid, or because we've never clearly defined what they are.
Sometimes we stay in relationships that don't meet our value system because we're too afraid to be alone. Recognizing where you've compromised your values is not about self-blame, it's about developing integrity going forward.
Values are the foundation of integrity and of choosing well.
Living in alignment with your values is how you begin to live with greater integrity. It's also how you start to know yourself well enough to choose a partner who is genuinely compatible, not just exciting or familiar.
You don't need to share everything with a future partner, but your top two to three core values need to have significant overlap. Without that alignment, building something long-term and stable is very difficult.
Values can be chosen and grown into.
You also have the ability to decide to value something more than you currently do. If you've been drawn to chaos and drama but want to grow into someone who doesn't need that, peace can become a value you consciously build toward. Our values are not just what we are, they are also who we are becoming.
Workbook:
Complete exercise: “Step 6: Who are you? Your beliefs, values, and identity” in your workbook.
Remember:
You have more control over who you are going to be than you think. But you can't make that choice until you decide what you're going to value. This is how you come home to yourself and how you make sure you never betray yourself again just because you're afraid.