Feeling really single? Read this.
Sometimes being single can feel hard.
Recently I was in a tremendous amount of physical pain due to a knee injury, and I found it difficult to even walk to the bathroom. Then there was the actual sitting down on the toilet. I felt majorly geriatric as I held on to the wall to ease my way down onto the seat. But when I finally made it, I felt a rush of overwhelming grief take hold of my nervous system. I felt really f*cking sorry for myself. That emotion did not come from nowhere, it came from a thought which was along the lines of “if I had a boyfriend he would take care of me right now.”
But that emotion didn't last long and I’ll tell you why:
Firstly: I did not feel badly about having that thought. In other words, I did not judge myself for feeling totally vulnerable in that moment, and for feeling more like a little girl than an adult. It is 100 percent ok to feel that way - to *sometimes yearn to be taken care of in our weaker moments.
Secondly: I quickly remembered what I know with complete certainty to be true: I, just like you, can take care of ourselves better than anyone else. I, and I’m sure you can relate, so I will say, “we” have other people in our lives who can help us during these moments. I don't know about you, but I don't want my lover in the bathroom with me anyway.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is this: It really is so OK to have those moments of longing - moments when we believe that having a partner to take care of us is what we need. Sometimes being single is indeed challenging, for various reasons.
I’m here to remind you it is still an illusion.
There are other people in your life who can be there for you during those moments, or any other moments. And YOU can be there for YOU.
You are so important to you. And you are far more capable of taking care of yourself than you think. And what I mean by that is, you can take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and monetarily. And if you’re having trouble with any of that, there’s help. That's why I do what I do. To remind people like you that you are so much more powerfully gifted than you think, and that life and love and relationship is and will always be an inside job anyway. And a relationship just makes that “inside job” more dire, and a times intense.
So when you find yourself in a similar juncture where you feel sad and overwhelmed by your singleness, do what I did:
Have a little cry (if necessary). Take a deep long breath and then splash some cold water on your face. Drink some water while you are at it.
Then remember this:
You CAN do it. You can want love AND be fiercely determined to love your life without romantic love, for now. Let love in - in different, and I would argue more important ways: come alive, do what inspires you. Do the things that make your pulse strong, and your eyes wide and bright.
Then deal with that hard parent. Look deep inside yourself and get real about what inside of you - what thoughts are responsible for blowing your joy. What story or belief or grudge is holding you hostage.
If you feel blocked, unblock yourself by getting real and looking closely at your crap. Get super duper clear about what you want. Unblock yourself through living your life and being alive. Laugh. Dance. Give yourself a fucking break.
You’ll become magnetic.
“I love being single” and “I want a relationship” can be friends. They can live in the same room and hold the same amount of real estate in your heart. They really don’t have to battle each other.
Patience and faith is all you need. Don’t ever settle.
And if you want help along the way, join me here. Free 30 days, just for you.