To be desired is NOT to be valued

To be desired is not to be valued. When we have sexual chemistry with someone we just started dating, we often mistake being desired for being valued. And, we can mistake OUR desire for actually valuing and respecting this person. It’s extremely hard not to be seduced by our primal needs, but understand that the stronger your desire, the weaker your judgment. Unless you are super duper clear that all you want is a sexual relationship, you must make sure you consistently root yourself back into what your standards are for yourself and for a partner. Feeling wanted feels really good, but attraction and lust are not love. ATTRACTION AND LUST ARE NOT LOVE. But the emotional intensity of lust can feel like love. Someone can really desire you, but not value you. Charm is not character. Uncover a person's character. Charm will make you feel desired, but to be valued will come from a person's character. Getting to know a person’s true character takes time. Watch how they treat you, others, and themselves. This will give you a ton of information on their character. 

To be desired is like a rush of dopamine. Incredible and well, short lived, leaving you burnt out and wanting more.

To be valued feels amazing in a different way. It feels warm, grounding, safe and respectful.

How do you know the difference? Well firstly, your gut will tell you everything you need to know -  you just have to brave enough to listen to it. Even if its contrary to what your sexual needs are. 

Here’s a few tips to help:

When someone values you, he or she is very curious about you. They want to know things about your past, about your thoughts, feelings, beliefs. They want to know your story.

When you’re valued, you feel respected.

When someone values you, they are attentive, kind, and take the time to get to know you - AFTER THEY HAVE SLEPT WITH YOU.

When they value you, they text you back within the day (don’t expect immediate responses, people are busy). They call you. They are responsive.

Anyone who values you listens to you. (at least most of the time - none of us are perfect).

To be valued is to feel someone’s attention and presence outside of the bedroom

The question is, do you value yourself? This is the first step.


Jillian TureckiComment