Break-up Principle #3: REJECTION BREEDS OBSESSION.
Rejection breeds obsession. This is why when you’re lover breaks up with you, you will spend an enormous amount of time thinking about this person, talking about him, wondering where she is, psycho-analyzing his behavior, diagnosing her character, and stalking him on social media. And if you’re not actually thinking or speaking of this person, a significant amount of your energy is spent on trying to distract yourself from obsessing about the relationship and what went wrong and how you could have done better.
When a rejection cuts deep, you’ll most likely hire a therapist or finally make use of the one you already have. You’ll buy self-help books ranging in topics such as narcissistic personality disorder, alcoholism, sexual trauma, attachment theories, and more. All in an effort to understand HIM, or HER.
The last thought you‘ll have before you fall asleep at night will be of your ex. Your dreams will often be hijacked by memories of him, or surreal encounters with her. And when you wake up in the morning plagued by the raw pit in your gut, the first thoughts you’ll have will be about how it’s over and you can’t believe it. Then most of your morning will be spent coming to terms with your new reality - once again.
Rejection breeds obsession. But the truth is that rejection is protection.
No one likes rejection. Most hate it, despising it so much that in phobic fear, they'll do anything, often to no avail, to protect themselves from it. That's because we think rejection means we are not good enough. Not good enough to win their heart and keep it. We never consider until weeks, months or years later, when our sight becomes clearer, that the whole time there was a plan. A new direction. A new beginning. A cleaner understanding of who we are and what we need. Only then can we possibly say to ourselves, “ah, yes. Now I see.”
I’m suggesting that you say it now. Even if you’re in the chaotic center of heartbreak, say it to yourself over and over again, “rejection is protection”. Say it quietly, say it loudly. Keep reminding yourself, until you’re hypnotized by it’s truth. - a truth you know to be real, even if in your sadness you’ve decided to not believe it anymore. You will again. I promise. You already learned this. Because if someone doesn't want to walk the long walk with you anymore, they’re not your person. And in time, you will look back and know the truth so hard that you’ll likely thank the universe or god or whatever you believe for ending something that needed to end in order for you to be free.
Don’t deny your hurt. In fact, acknowledge it and then appreciate it with all your might. Take your time. Appreciate that your pain, anger, and disappointment all have messages for you - messages that only you can discern. But when you find yourself lost within the darker crevices of your mind, ruminating about what happened, obsessing about what could have been, trying to figure it out and problem solve….take a very deep breath. Splash some water on your face, stretch your arms above your head, and remind yourself of the truth. A gospel that’s waiting for that inevitable day when you’ll wake up and embrace it.