Break-up Principle #1: LET THEM LEAVE.
“You’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so you don't keep on trying to raise the dead.” - JD Bishop
You cannot convince someone to love you. That is the law of the land and it has to be obeyed no matter what. There is no plan B, what if, but maybe, or let’s see.
When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Stop begging people to stay. Stop pretending to be someone you’re not to get their love back. Let them leave.
When someone you love no longer wants to love you, you have to let them exit the relationship. Whether it’s your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your spouse, the father or mother of your child, or just your fuck buddy, you’ve got to let them go. Period. End of story because there IS no other story when someone no longer wants to be in a relationship with you.
I know how fucking hard it is. How gut wrenchingly horrible and frighteningly disorienting it is. When they say, “it’s over”, when they say, “I’m leaving” either directly to your face or indirectly with their behavior, you’ve got to ignore your impulse to try and keep them. You've got to ignore your adrenaline whose only job is to tell you to grab tighter, hold longer, to hang on and fight for what you think is yours.
If someone can walk away from you, it means their part in your story is over and you have to accept it as over even as you grieve and weep. Do grieve.
But don't try to convince them they don’t know what they’re doing. Don’t negotiate, manipulate, convince, or guilt trip. Don't try to talk them into loving you, paying more attention to you, texting you, calling you. It won’t work. It never does, in fact it will work against you in every way. And even if it worked it would be temporary.
Even if you somehow managed to convince them to stay, it won’t last. It’ll be fake and you’ll feel insecure and unloved and it will suck more than it does now.
I know your love is big. I know you’re a loyal fighter and are committed.
But it doesn't matter how much you love them, how attracted you are to them, how many times they made you cum, how good they are to your children. It doesn't matter if every single life dream you have includes them beside you.
The truth is that if someone wants out, things were not good. And you know this - you know this beneath your panic, beyond your mind, and even past your heart. You know it underneath your belly - in the gut of your gut so deep it doesn't have an anatomical name.
Stop scheduling more talks. Just stop talking about it. Stop breaking up over and over again.
It doesn’t mean they’re bad. It doesn't mean they weren’t a soul mate. It just means they were meant to walk with you for a specific amount of time, not more.
Life is hard enough, don't make it harder by holding on to someone who doesn't love you. You’ll be ok without them. You’ll see.
Begin today building up your self worth. Begin practicing the gift of goodbye. Let them leave. It’s what’s right, I promise.
Flip the page and start a new chapter. Someone who wants to stay is looking to fill up the rest of your pages.